Waynespotting, You Know?

A couple of weeks back, an excerpt from an interview with Wayne Rooney was included on BBC Radio Five Live's Daily Mayo podcast. During the brief 3 min 36 sec clip, he said "you know" and "em" an impressive 36 and 37 times, repectively. Combining the tallies for both crutches, he uttered an average of 20 crutches per minute, or one every three seconds.

I've seen Rooney interviewed numerous times, so I knew he used these crutches a lot when speaking. Truly, pro athletes have a long pedigree of using these time-honored little verbal helpers. I remember watching Dennis Johnson, the erstwhile Boston Celtics guard, make mincemeat out of the language by appending "or so" to the ends of sentences that didn't need its assistance (e.g., "We played our game tonight, and that's why we won, or so.") However, with his torrent of superfluous words, Rooney speaks so choppily that I really think he should have a media consultant. Maybe his stacatto approach to the language will smooth itself out as he matures, but maybe it won't. It doesn't seem right that the most gifted English player should present himself so poorly.

If someone close to Wayne is reading this (ha ha), please get the people in his life togther for some sort of "intervention," like those done with substance abusers. Maybe Coleen could set up a pre-season night out on the town as a ruse. I'll let her sort out the details. I've done my part.